


The Secrets of Haruhi.

by third_degree



Category: Fruits Basket, Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Crossover, F/M, Family Secrets, Haruhi is a zodiac, Jealousy, Kinda a mess?, Lies, Love Triangles, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Secret Identity, Slow Burn, The host club meets the Sohma's
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-04-07 16:31:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19088836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/third_degree/pseuds/third_degree
Summary: Haruhi Fujioka's life has always been a series of complications and bittersweet tragedies. Being the only commoner at an elite academy, spending her days crossdressing, and constantly being surrounded by an overly enthusiastic "host club" has been eating away at her for months. Her days are spent juggling rich teenagers, financial crises, and trying to hide her secrets from everyone she knows. When Haruhi's ugly past shows its face, and all of her secrets are brought to light, the young girl is forced to confront a world she's been running from as it collides with the new family she's made.-...Or in which the outcasted zodiac member Haruhi Sohma has to face her past as it threatens to destroy her new life.





	1. 01. epigraph: for the girl who's lost her way.

Haruhi Fujioka has always been described in many different words, an old soul, intelligent, caring, reasonable, blunt, reclusive, and, most of all, _special_.

The young girl has always loathed these titles given to her, placed upon her as if they are just engraved in the “good person” she supposedly is. As if these attractive traits aren’t just the habits she indulges in to combat her inner demons.

She isn’t smart because she truly holds intelligence at high respect, _no_ , it’s from the days she spent reading every book she could and taking practice tests just so her mind would be occupied, avoiding her memories. Or when she calls out the bullshit that spills from the mouths of men who think they know everything, it isn’t to fight injustice, or for any firmer moral belief, Haruhi calls it out because she can’t argue against her own monsters and these men are _nothing_ compared to _him_.

Even though she knows these things, she still allows those around her to label her as they see fit. To build her up and create images that fit their illusions of who she is.

Because as far as the world is considered, these titles are all accurate. Haruhi is special because, as a poor commoner, she managed to get into the prestigious Ouran Academy. She’s kind because she was raised to be and holds no biases, just a girl with a pure soul and big dreams.

Maybe if Haruhi wasn’t such a _coward_ , she would fight back against these things, but to do so would mean uncovering the secrets she buried and to bear the scars that take residence upon her body, and a weakling such as herself could never do so.

So she plays pretend with the world, a special girl who’s not cursed and doesn’t come from a wealthy background. It shouldn’t be so easy to hide everything away, but it is.

The only title worthy of Haruhi Fujioka is: _Liar_.

Because she doesn’t genuinely exist, that crossdressing commoner is just the perfectly crafted facade of Haruhi Sohma. An outlasted zodiac member who’s buried her existence so deep inside her mind that most days she doesn’t remember that it’s all a lie.  

The youngest of three children. With an older brother who ignored her for as long as could remember and another one who always seemed a million miles apart. Haruhi was raised in the confines of the main estate, forever at the beck and call of her _God,_ born to a woman who went mad with power and felt so _disgusted_ by her daughter's mere existence that she chose to forget all three of her children.

A childhood robbed away; _he_ took that away from her. Her life molded into a shallow fragment of a little girl, easily broken and rebuilt. Something for Akito to dress up and beat until blue; a prized _possession_ all thanks to the cursed wolf hiding inside her soul.

* * *

When Haruhi reached the ripe age of twelve, Akito allowed her to leave the Sohma home. The reasons why he would do this were unknown to her, and maybe if she hadn’t craved freedom so much, she would have questioned him. To the young girl, everything else was irrelevant, all she cared for was leaving, even if it meant following rules that would haunt her for years or entering a world she was kept away from since birth.  

In typical Akito fashion, her God gave her three “simple” rules to adhere to, a short and easy list of demands that would still keep her in his grasp. He only extended the leash on her, never removing the collar around her neck.

One: She was forbidden to have any contact with the rest of the Sohma’s.

Two: Do not expose or speak of the curse to anyone.

Three: He  _will_  retrieve her one day, and when he does, she  _must_  come back.

Haruhi agreed to his terms, and without a second thought, she ran. Grasping on to the short thread she was given and pulling herself up to the surface, running as fast as her fragile and exhausted body would take her. Running into a world where maybe, _just maybe_ , she could exist in peace.

In hindsight, she should have thought it through a bit more; ( _give her a break- she’s twelve years old and desperately wants to escape_ ) a little girl who knows nothing of the outside world could never successfully run away (and _survive_ at least.)

That day is a haze for Haruhi; she knows she came across her eldest brother, and for some reason, Ayame helped her, ( _years later she would look back at this and wonder why the boy who ignored her existence for twelve years even bothered_ ) calling his friend Rouji or Ranka as he preferred to go by. She wasn’t too sure how the cross-dressing man was aware of the curse, but still, she took his offer to stay with him, taking her first step into the unknown.

* * *

Naivety is a double-edged sword, Haruhi learned this within the first year away from _there_. The innocence inside of her was what kept her going and hopeful that one day she could be happy and free from Akito, but once she finally achieved her dream, she quickly learned that the memories of her past would _never_ let her genuinely find that peace.

Being around other children, having a healthy life, exploring and learning- these were all things she craved, but no matter how hard she tried, the taunting words of her God would play out in her mind on a loop. Getting even remotely close to anyone was petrifying; even with her scars covered, she couldn’t find release from those memories.

_“Oh Haruhi… You are the most cursed out of everyone. What do you think would happen if you left home? If they found out what you are? A monster. Do you think they would still care about you? No, they would be scared, maybe even try to kill you to save themselves. Like the rest of this family, you are not like the others in this world. You will never belong with them-nor them with us. I mean, you barely belong here either, just submit…”_

Even away from the estate, apart from Akito, she couldn’t help but focus on his words, maybe he was correct, no matter how hard she tried to hide it; she would always be a _monster_.

Haruhi managed to occupy her middle school years by throwing herself into her studies, somewhat accidentally putting herself at the top of her class. She made a few “friends,” people she had the necessary pleasant conversations with and could keep at an arm’s length. The summer before her first year of high school, she was accepted into the prestigious Ouran Academy. A school where she would stand out but be mostly left alone, why would a bunch of rich and powerful teenagers even bother getting close to a simple “commoner?”

That summer, she chose to make herself even more invisible, in the off chance any male were to get too close to her. Chopping off her long box dyed brown hair that once was an alluring shade of silver. She traded her feminine wardrobe for baggy sweaters and loose-fitting jeans, ditching her contacts for bulky glasses. The girl who stared back at her in the mirror was unrecognizable, the only sense of familiarity she had left was the silver chain had to wear, always kept under her shirt, away from prying eyes.

On that day, Haruhi Sohma was officially reborn as Haruhi Fujioka; a girl coated in _lies_.

* * *

Since leaving her family, everything had been a new and strange experience, but nothing was as mind-blowing and odd as the day she walked into music room three, the day that tilted her already screwed up world off its axis. The day six men, no  _boys_ , brought her into their world, no into their  _family_.

Of course, she was and still is hesitant with the self-proclaimed “Host Club” she was forced into. She would never tell them, but they all meant the world to her. Without knowing it, they had fulfilled her childhood dreams, a group of people who didn’t care about who she was ( _even if they only knew what she made them believe_ ) and treated her with care and compassion.

Though she would never be able to show them who she truly is, or what she is for that matter, Haruhi was willing to give them anything she could. She was in debt to them for a broken vase, but unknown by the prince like boys she spent her time with; the young girl was truly in debt to them for giving her a second chance.

But even so, she still keeps her guard up, waiting for the final shoe to drop, the brick wall she’s built up, one by one, carefully crafted, to crumble. She knows one day the man who haunts her dreams and thoughts will storm in and destroy every brick until she left in the wreckage, _broken_   _and_   _empty_. 

Haruhi is living in a fairytale, with six beautiful princes waiting for her to ride off into the sunset with them.

She is their princess, a perfect girl, the damsel in distress they have grown to love.

But she knows, she can feel it in her gut, eating away at her soul, the clock is ticking.

She is not the princess; she is the monster.

The princes will find their real princesses and live happily ever after.

Monsters don’t get happy endings.

Haruhi is more than a  _liar; she_ is a  _monster_.

 _tbc_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> This first chapter is just a prologue/rough overview of the situation leading up to the actual story, Haruhi's childhood and background goes into further depth in the later chapters. 
> 
> I truly wanted to explore Haruhi's emotional/mental state as anyone from the Sohma family is going to have some intense trauma that I would like to experiment with. This story is less of a comedy (of course since it's an ohshc crossover there will be humor) but more of an emotional growth story along with some romance.
> 
> Rewrite/Editing: 2/20/20


	2. 02. act Ⅰ: you may hide, but you can never leave.

Haruhi has, over the years, perfected the art of wearing a mask, a perfectly built façade she has been cultivating since age twelve. Playing the role of a simple commoner girl living with her cross-dressing father, sometimes she even forgets it’s a disguise, but the nighttime is an entirely different situation.

Most nights, she cannot sleep. If she does, then she will have to _remember_ \- and she just _can’t._ It isn’t until every muscle in her body is fighting to give in to the pull of gravity, and her vision loses focus that she is forced into a painful dreamscape. It’s these nights that remind her she is merely pretending, a harsh reality check about who she truly is. These dreams are filled with nightmares, terror radiating through her entire body. A cosmic force of fear and memories filling her subconscious mind to the breaking point, the control she has tried so hard to maintain is ready to _shatter_ and send her into the deep end.

A waiting game for her to lose her hold, and finally crack, the angered spirit resting in her ready to destroy everything in its path.

After the first few years of living with Ranka, the nightmares had lessened in intensity; she no longer woke up every night screaming till her lungs hurt or awaking to find open wounds where her fingers dug into her flesh.

But in the past few weeks, they had started up at full force again. She can’t explain it, but she can feel it, deep inside her that something is coming to crush everything she has built.

The sickening feeling builds up, making every day _harder_ and _harder_ and _harder_ , she tries her best to keep up her act, but it's tearing her down more with every passing night.

It is due to this recent change that led her to now, as she found herself falling asleep in the club room after all the guests had left, the lack of sleep finally taking over, Haruhi tries to fight it off, but her body feels so heavy like she is being yanked into the darkness.

It surrounds her, pure black space. She is in a room, but there are no lights, nor windows, not even a door, just closed walls. She tries to calm her breathing, but it feels as if her windpipes have shut down. She focuses on the sensation of a slim hand pressing into her throat; it’s choking her. There is a metallic taste in her mouth, and though she can’t see what it is, she knows its _blood_.

 _Crack!_  A whiplash sound is filling up the silent room. She feels pain radiate across her spine, burning as layers of skin break open.  _Crack!_   Her body feels like it’s on fire, but she can’t scream, can’t move, can’t breathe, only feel. Every nerve in her body is lighting up like fireworks, her heartbeat pounding in her ears as her eyes struggle to stay open before she completely goes under.

“Haru-” _Please stop…_

“-uhi.” _Don’t… Please no…_

“Haruhi!” A voice yells, pulling her out of her terror-filled dream.

Her eye’s immediately open up as she sits up from where her head was laying on the table, frantically looking around the room, she sees six males all looking at her with concern in their eyes. She takes a few deep breathes, forcing the oxygen to go in and out of her lungs, carefully and calculated. She touches a finger to her lips before bringing it to her line of sight, and she notices the deep crimson liquid, she must have bit into her lips while she was sleeping.  

“Uh I’m sorry guys, I didn’t get much sleep last night.” She says, not entirely a lie but not the complete truth either; she can barely meet their eyes.

“You were shaking Haru chan. It looked like a terrible nightmare.” Honey says, his usual childlike demeanor lost as he spoke with worry.

“Oh, my precious Haruhi! What was it about, Daddy will help!” Tamaki yelled, running towards her to pull her into a tight hug. She sidesteps away to get out of his reach.  

“It was nothing Sempai, I just have been stressed with classes that’s it, I’m gonna go clean up in the bathroom.” The brunette exclaimed as she walked out of the club room, leaving the six hosts confused.

* * *

To say Haruhi was a mysterious person was an understatement at best, everyone in the club had grown to love the girl, but yet she still was extremely puzzling. Kyoya had taken notice of this immediately; she rarely allowed physical contact with anyone. Even after researching her when she joined the club, he was only able to find her middle school records and recent doctor reports, no birth records, no information from before middle school. She never brought up her childhood unless it was needed, never shared any unnecessary information about herself; it was like her entire past was hidden away.

While over time, these baffling things were put out to the side, it became easier to accept that these things were just a part of her personality. Yet, he recently thought on them again as over the past week her attitude started changing, seeming lost in thought most of the time, visible bags under her eyes, even though she would smile and talk to her guests it seemed less genuine as if wasn’t truly there.

Kyoya didn't only see this; all the hosts had noticed the change in the brunette. Slowly she was _slipping_ away from the group, but no one knew why or how to help.

The twins were taking it personally, they had let someone else into their lives and told her things that no one else knew, and she was drifting away from them.

Honey was worried about his friend, she was usually so sweet and happy, but now she just was distant, didn’t joke around anymore. Mori noticed the change, he was very observant of the world around him and could recognize the distress in her, as if she was under some attack.

Tamaki was trying to figure out how to cheer his girl up, but she wouldn’t give him the time of day, allow him to comfort her, hug her, she wouldn’t open up. Why wouldn’t his daughter tell him what was wrong?

“Alright, men, it’s time to start plan cheer Haruhi up!” Tamaki said to his fellow members in his typical king like manor.

“And how exactly-” Kaoru started.

“-Do you plan on doing that?” Hikaru finished.

“I think that’s a great idea!” Honey said with a bright smile as Mori nodded, and Kyoya just looked at Tamaki.

This was more or less to be expected, the group of male hosts tended to go above and beyond when issues surfaced, never actually thinking through the situation and contemplating a more reasonable and productive response.

Before Tamaki could respond, the girl in question walked back into the room, heading towards her bag as she got ready to leave for the day. Before anyone could say anything, a regular client of Haruhi’s named Aya walked into the room, all seven hosts turned to the girl.

“Um-excuse me, Haruhi, but a man was walking around campus looking for you-” The males in the room all assumed her father, but Haruhi wasn’t too sure about that, _it couldn’t be…_

 “-he had dark hair and a kimono, uh he told me to ask you to meet him in the gardens in front of the science building.” Aya said, stuttering a bit over her words. The rest of the club was confused before they turned to Haruhi, who went sickly pale, her hands shaking a bit.

 “Thank you Aya, did he by any chance give you his name?” She asked her voice, cracking the slightest causing the six men to get more concerned than confused.

_No. Not now, not here. This can’t be happening._

Yet the next words to fall from the young rich girl proved the opposite.

“Yes he did, he said his name was Akito,” Aya said, Haruhi gave her a slight smile before Aya left the room.

The brunette clutched her book bag to her chest as she tried to stop her shaking. Her mind going into a frenzy. _Run, don’t, run, don’t, run… **Rule three** \- you have to go._

“Haruhi, are you okay?” Honey asked.

“Who’s Akito?” The twins asked after Haruhi didn’t answer Honey.

“He’s no one. I need to go.” She answered shortly as she beelined for the door.

“Wait! Haruhi We can go with you!” Tamaki yelled, following her, she swiftly turned around.

“No need, I’ll see you guys tomorrow, okay?” Haruhi answered quickly, leaving the room, her ghostly pale face giving the most insincere smile the boys had ever seen.

The six reaming hosts all looked at each other, locked in silent communication, basically agreeing to follow the girl. That’s what family does, _right?_

* * *

She forces her trembling legs to walk to the garden; she knew this was coming! She can still taste the raw wound on her lip, but she knows that it is the least of her worries. The pit in her stomach since she heard his name is growing deeper and deeper. With a tremendous effort, she forces herself to keep walking, pushing away any emotion on her face, it isn’t until she sees the back of his head in the garden that Haruhi feels like she is going to fall down and throw up.

Every part of her being in screaming at her to  _turn_  and  _run_ , get  _away_  as fast as possible, it takes every ounce of strength to keep going in his direction, she’s about to lose everything she’s made, and Haruhi wants to break down. Still, she won’t, he can’t get that satisfaction from her.

Akito turns around and looks her dead in the eyes, and she sees the satisfied smirk fall across his face as he walks right up to her, reaching out and grabbing her hands into a tight grip, a small smile resting on his lips as he looks her over. If anyone were to see this, they would assume it’s a kind and friendly gesture, but she knows better.

“Hello my dear Haruhi, it’s been a while, has it not?” He addresses her; _this is real, oh god, this is real._ She takes a small breath before responding.

“Akito Sama, what brings you here?” She asks, with strained politeness.

He moves his hands from her hands to her wrists, applying a tight grip that will most likely leave bruises as his nails dig into her flesh.

“What a foolish question, it should seem fairly obvious why I am here,” He sneers before abruptly pulling her closer to him, allowing her lack of balance to throw her off guard when he lets go of her completely. She is unable to catch herself, knees hitting the grass, fear-filled eyes staring into the green plants.

“Yes, of course, I apologize.” She says, keeping her head down, ‘ _Don’t argue, don’t resist’_  she repeats in her head.

He grabs the small handful of hair at the top of her head and pulls her face up, so she’s looking at him. Quick swift kicks hit her chest, knocking the breath out of her lungs, the pain radiates, but she won’t yell out, she can’t do anything but take it all in.

“I think it’s time for you to come home, you had your time away, but that ends now. You agree, don’t you?” He asks in a tone that makes it’s sound more of a statement than a question.

“Of course, Akito Sama” She meets his gaze for a moment before closing her eyes.

“Good, I expect in two days for you to be living with Shigure, your brother, and Kyo. On Friday you will come to the main house, we have many things to speak about, do you understand Haruhi?” His voice is harsh, like a master reprimanding his dog.

She felt her blood go cold as he leans down to grasp her chin with a cruel smile, “Well?”

“Yes, I will move and meet at the main house on Friday.”

“Good answer.” He says as runs his hand over her cheek, holding her face in his hand as he looks over her, sadistic and calculating eyes burning into her. Akito let’s go and turns to leave before he is entirely out of sight. He speaks over his shoulder.

“Oh, and Haruhi?” His voice is sickly sweet, like a young child.

“If you try to run away, you will be moved back to the main estate for _good,_ back into your room there. I’m sure you _remember_ it? Also, dress in the correct female clothing and grow your hair back, you are a Sohma, look the part.” He disappears out of sight.

Haruhi completely falls to the ground, clutching her necklace, silent tears streaming down her face, in just minutes everything had _crumbled_ , she isn’t sure how to even get up at this point. She moves her fingers into the ground, gripping the grass as if she held hard enough; it would keep her safe. The small cuts on her wrists bleed out, small crimson drops falling on to the green landscape. Her lungs contract and she feel like hyperventilating.

She doesn’t know how long how she stayed there, minutes? Hours? Seconds? It feels like a lifetime before she feels a hand on her shoulder, forcing her gaze to look upon a man in a white lab coat, _Hatori_. He holds out his hand and helps her up, leaning her body against his as he leads her away to check over her injuries.

Neither of them speak, words are unnecessary; this isn’t anything new, and not sweet words or gentle reassurance will help. When your _God_ makes an _order_ , you _follow_.

* * *

Unknown to the broken-down girl being led off-campus, the six males had just seen the entire encounter, filled with anger, fear, and, most of all, _questions_.

The girl they loved was just beaten up, and they couldn’t help.

The girl they loved had a brother?

The girl they loved was a Sohma?

What was going on? All six wondered frozen in place.

_Tbc._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrite/Editing: 2/20/20


	3. 03. so nurse your pain and be selfish.

Haruhi was never one for breaking the rules or acting on impulse, her perpetual anxiety usually forcing her to stay in one place, be the simple girl she always wanted to be. While others her age wanted to branch out and discover themselves, Haruhi wanted to fade into the background of the world and feel content; she would rather be bored then take risks.

Nevertheless, she found herself downing the vodka her foster “father” had taken home from work one night, the small apartment deathly silent with Ranka being away for the evening.

If this were any other situation, she would be calling one of her newfound friends, letting their carefree attitude take her into a faraway land.

But they wouldn’t understand, even if she wanted them to (and she  _doesn’t_.)

If this were any other situation, she would feel guilty for acting so irresponsible, but she doesn’t, ‘ _she deserves this_ ,’ she tells herself as she takes another large swig of the clear liquid.

The burning sensation is a kind distraction from the forming purple and yellow blotches taking place on the surface of her skin; her chest aches with every swallow, she wonders if he cracked her ribs?

Hatori had left shortly after giving her a quick check over, ‘ _pretty sure he was more worried about my mental state than physical_ ,’ she laughs to herself.

Across the room is a suitcase she had pulled out to start packing, but now she can’t look at it, she won’t allow herself to think on Akito’s words or hidden threats with the mention of coming _home_. She can’t think about how she is leaving six figures who see her as such a “good girl” when, in reality, that girl was more worried about appearing reasonable than ever genuinely being _good_.

At this moment, she wants to feel the comforting silence around her as her throat burns, and eyes grow more and more heavy until intoxication takes over, and she falls into a dreamless sleep.

For once in her life, she wants to feel  _alive_.

* * *

It’s three in the morning when Ranka arrives home and shakes the hazy girl back into consciousness. He doesn’t question the liquor out or the fact she was asleep on the table still in her school uniform; the newly formed bruises on her wrists and red and puffy eyes speak volume. He doesn’t even have to ask to know what happened.

“ _It’s time.”_

Only two words, she mumbles them in a hollow voice, barely making eye contact with the red-haired man, he moves down next to her taking her hand in his drawing soft circles on her knuckles.

“So, you found the good stuff.” He says, grabbing the nearly empty bottle from across the table, finishing it off himself. They both share a humorless laugh; whether it’s for his comfort or hers is unimportant, it’s just the only thing they can do. They both know they can’t fight this, only accept that their time has come to an end, but for now, they can hold the others hand as silence descends around the makeshift family.

He leads her to her bed, holding her hand until she falls back asleep, but he can’t find himself to leave her side, as he watches the girl who has become a daughter to him.

To most people, he would seem crazy (and _maybe_ he is) he chose to take in a preteen girl who wasn’t even entirely human, he was in a deep depression from losing his wife, had a poorly-paying job, barley ate and spent nearly every night drunk.

However, the night he received a call from Ayame about his sister, he could hear his wife’s voice in his head, urging him to take the girl in, following his heart he did.

Kotoko was always a motherly type, even though she had no children of her own. She was never one for any form of injustice or mistreatment; that's what first drew him to her, the fire burning in her soul ready to take down whatever was hurting another. They married young, but he wouldn’t take that back for anything, he loved her more than the world itself, after her death he felt his heart ripping in half, the world he knew disappeared into a void of alcohol and heartbreak.

Maybe it was a bad idea to take a child in, the first weeks were awkward and filled with excessive tension, the young girl very timid and afraid. At the same time, the man found himself entirely in new territory with how to form a relationship or offer comfort. In the end, it was the memory of Kotoko that brought them together.

* * *

_Thirteen-year-old Haruhi sat across from Ranka, the two had been living together for nearly a month and had only managed to find a rocky middle ground with each other._

_“Who’s that?” She asks, looking at a photo of Kotoko and Ranka sitting together on a couch, smiles adorning both of them._

_He found himself taken by surprise by the question. A sad smile came across his face as he looked at the photograph he kept up, “My wife Kotoko before she passed.”_

_“What was she like?” The girl asked with an apologetic look in her eyes._

_“She was the strongest woman I ever met, loyal, and brave. She helped everyone she met, filled with more love then I thought was possible but also a passion that could take any bad guy down if someone was hurting.”_

_He responded lost in memories before the girl surprised him once more._

_“She loved you.” She stated._

_“What?” He was thrown off by the statement._

_“Her eyes-” she pointed to the photo “-They are filled with love as she looked at you, eyes hold the gateway to the soul, in her eyes, you can see the raw love she had for you, more than just care or familiarity, that’s love. I think wherever her spirit is; she still has that love.”_

_At that moment, he felt part of his heart piece back together, her words bringing comfort he had lost for so long back._

_“I think she loves you too Haruhi, even if she never got to meet you, you and her are a lot alike, her spirit is watching over you, I just know it.” He said, meaning every word, he found a new admiration for the girl forming._

_“You think so?” She asked with slight tears in her eyes, he had heard about what happened with her mother and could understand her reaction to his statement, he grabbed her hand in a soft hold before nodding._

_“Yeah, I do.”_

_“Then, I better work hard to make her proud.” She said with a smile. Even if her mother didn’t want her, or the world around her rejected her, she would fight a little bit harder, for Ranka and Kotoko._

_He knew then that he made the right choice._

He watched the sleeping girl next to him, they had grown together, his heart was breaking at the news of her going home, but over the years he had grown to understand Haruhi like his own child and one thing he knew for a fact was that she was strong. No matter what would come in the future, she would survive and conquer, she had the same fire as Kotoko, and not even the worst monsters in the world could burn it out.

He stood up, taking one more glance at the girl, before turning the light off and heading out of the room, letting the emotions he held from the girl slip down his face, he truly does love her.

* * *

Her head was spinning as the light came through the windows, a dull ache in her head, making her want to bury herself into her blanket. Nausea working its way into her throat didn’t help; neither did the throbbing pain across her chest and legs.

She forces her legs to bear her weight as she adjusts to a standing position, and makes her way to the bathroom, splashing cold water against her, the red that covered her face last night now replaced by dark shadows, her eyes look lifeless. She forces herself to look away from the girl in the mirror and lifts up her shirt, the bruises now awful deformed shapes, shades of purple and yellow covering her stomach and ribs like a kindergarten art project.

‘ _Great, just great_ ’ she tugs down her shirt before adding the other layers to her uniform. Running a brush through her short hair, taking one more look at herself, ‘ _I look like crap, but at least respectable crap_.’ She thinks.

Before she leaves for the day, she grabs an envelope that she has been holding on to for weeks now, it has the rest of the debt-money she owes the club, with Akito back who knows what will happen, so it’s better to be safe.

She goes about her school day in a haze, the effects of last night still taking a significant toll on her along with her stress levels skyrocketing, she’s on edge to get school over with, get to the club, sort everything out and get home.

When her classes end and club hours begin, she heads to the music room before noticing the sign placed on the door.

“The Host Club is closed for the day.”

This was to be expected, she knew they would want to talk, but that didn’t stop the slight sigh that came out of her mouth. She let her emotions get the best of her yesterday and was nearly positive that they were going to get any silver of information out of her.

* * *

The six men had all come to the conclusion they would talk to Haruhi today, Kyoya even agreed and had shut the club for the day, they waited for the brunette to come in, when she did she looked like she hadn’t slept an hour the night previous, which just confirmed that they all needed to talk.  

She walked over to a couch and slumped down quietly for a moment before looking at them all.

“So, what’s going on? Why are we closed?” she asks yawning.

“Well, we needed to talk to you about something Haruhi,” Kyoya said in a relaxed tone.

“About?”

“That man who came to see you yesterday, Akito,” Tamaki answered more serious than he usually was.

Haruhi felt all traces of tiredness leave her body at the sound of his name. “What about Akito?” She spat while sitting up.

“We saw him hurt you, Haruhi! What is going on?” Hikaru asked, raising his voice.

For a moment, she felt like throwing up, they saw, that means they know. Maybe if it were any other day, if she wasn’t being forced back into a world she despised, or if she wasn’t still hungover, Haruhi could have been more reasonable, but Haruhi can’t help the anger she feels.

“So, you guys followed me then?” She asked with aggravation. They never listen to her when she refuses something they want and now due to this they have dragged themselves into a world they cannot be apart of.

“How do you know Akito Sohma?” Honey asked, no one answering her previous question.

“He’s a family member of mine.” She said, looking at no one in particular.

“So you’re a Sohma then?” Kyoya asked as she nodded.

“Then why would he attack you!” Kaoru yelled.

“It’s none of your damn business! You all have your own family history and dynamics, and I never questioned you! None of you have the right to question mine.” She yelled, standing up.

“Like hell, we don’t! You lied about your family to us, and then someone shows up and beats you up before another guy shows up and takes you away!” Hikaru snaps back and the brunette.

She grabs her bag and throws an envelope at Tamaki, before speaking, anger, and stress clear in her voice. “That’s the rest of the money I owe; now you can all get out of my business.” Pushing past the group and walking out, the door slamming before anyone could do anything.

The host club was stunned by what just happened, no one speaking a word, Tamaki drops the letter before the twins walk out of the room, Honey grabbing Mori and pulling him to a corner, and Kyoya is picking up the letter, examining the money she had filled it with.

Something is seriously wrong, and they all know it, but for the first time, their family names and money don’t have a way to fix this.  

_tbc._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we get some of the Fruits Basket characters, a big part of this storyline for me is Haruhi's mental debates and growth as a person, so I want to give a clear picture of the different reactions she has to everyone around her. This won't be the end for her and the host club, but first she needs some space. <3
> 
> Rewrite/Editing: 2/20/20


	4. 04. hide your bruises with soft smiles.

More than once, Haruhi dreamed of this _exact moment_ , the drive back to her own personal hell, a reoccurring nightmare that left her petrified and choking on her own fear.

She would struggle to keep her poker face, anything to keep the satisfaction away from _him_ of getting to watch her crumble.

Perfect calculation behind every move she would make, her every breathe planned, a game of chess she was prepared to win, but she knew, _deep down_ that no matter what she did, she was bound to _lose_. There is no winning against God, and sadly in this life, Akito is hers.  

But now, as she sits in the back of a taxicab watching the tall buildings fade into large trees, the sound of the city slipping away, Haruhi doesn’t plan her next move. She isn’t fighting for air, and she isn’t playing a game, she is entering the world she tried _so_ hard to hide from.

She is back, and this isn’t a dream.

At this moment, she has nothing to lose, and she feels  _nothing_.

Haruhi feels like flames could consume her body, and she would have no reaction. As if she could sit amidst a thunderstorm and not bat an eyelash. Haruhi feels _hollow_ , _empty_ , she feels _nothing_ , and a small part of her never wants it to stop.

She vaguely remembers a book she read in the library about traumatic experiences and the after-effects on the psyche, at the time Haruhi didn’t understand what they meant by the empty and detached feelings they described. According to the book, Haruhi had  _many_ traumatic experiences- but she  ** _always_**  felt them. Lingering mental and physical pain that never left the back of her mind. “ _Clinical detachment_ ” or something along the lines of that, and now she gets it, this feeling of nothing, like a blank canvas, all fears or memories wiped clean.  

She was pulled out of her phycological analysis of herself when the cab driver stopped the car and let her know they had arrived, she gave the man a polite smile and handed him the fare money, grabbing her bags and watching the man drive away. Once the car was out of sight, she turned to look at the house she would now call home, it was a better place to live then the main estate, but still, she had liked her apartment.

‘ _Well, there’s no time like the present_ ’ a bitter laugh escapes her throat, her legs taking the proper motions to get to the entrance, she brings her hand to the door, aware that once she enters the house, she will be signing her fate. Once she enters this house, she will be joining the world she so desperately wanted to avoid.

She can almost hear a younger version of herself screaming at her ‘ _Turn around! Run!_ ’ but the hollow void filling her up tunes it out, crushing that small sliver of emotion, and well- _she knocks._

The door opened moments later, revealing a disheveled Shigure, dark hair with slight tangles framing his face, a sight she hasn’t seen in years, he isn’t looking up as he answers the door.

“What can I do for- oh, _Haruhi!_ ” His voice rings out in such a cheerful manner quite similar to a blonde host she knows as he figures out who she is.

Before she can say anything, he is quickly pulling her into a tight embrace. She lets herself sink into the hug; it has been so long since she had any real physical contact with someone she cared for. Even though she couldn’t necessarily feel “happy” about the hug, Haruhi soaked in his warmth, allowing herself to remember the motions of such comfort.

After a minute, Shigure pulled away, keeping his hands on her shoulders as he looks over her with a bright smile, Haruhi tries to mirror it, but it was entirely fake.

“Look at you Hari. You’ve grown up so much.” He said, using her childhood nickname coined by her close family members.

“Thank you Shigure; it’s nice to see you thank you for letting me stay here, it means a lot.” She did mean those words. While Haruhi may be disconnected, she knows this is much better than being back with Akito.

“Don’t even mention it, the boys are at school right now but should be home soon, let’s get you settled in” Waving his arms as he grabbed her bags and led her up to a cleaned out bedroom.

“I’ll give you some space to unpack; we can talk more once everyone is home.” He said, gently kissing the top of her head before heading out of the room; he stopped at the door looking over his shoulder before speaking again.

“It’s good to have you home, Hari.” She gave him a soft smile before the door shut.

As he leaves the room, Haruhi allows herself to fall onto the bed, not bothering to open up her bags yet, eyes wandering around the cleanroom. Empty spaces waiting to be filled, ‘ _a clean slate, a time to start over_ ’ she thinks to herself, as the blankness surrounds her, losing herself in it.

There’s a sense of absolute peace in the white walls surrounding her. The room itself holds no memories, neither good nor bad; something about the lack of history makes her crack a small smile. It’s like a physical interpretation of how she feels (or _doesn’t_ ) right now. The white walls could become stained in blood just as quickly as they could be painted a soft sky blue (just like her, neither _pure_ nor _corrupted_.)

But for now, they are only blank.

After a few minutes, she gets up, pulling the framed photographs out of her bag, placing them on the mahogany desk sitting in the corner. Photos of the life she got to live, one of the beach, the sunset beaming against the water while she sits in the sand. Another photo of Ranka and her laughing at a holiday party from last year. A picture of her middle school graduation with a bright smile on her face.

She puts her clothes into the closet, all of her personal items stored away, before her bags are empty and the room looks alive, she isn’t sure how long she stood there looking at the room before she pulled out her notebook and started writing. A habit she picked up to keep her mind continuously occupied, and even though she currently sees no reason to do so, she forces herself to do something besides soaking in this state of confusion and hollowness.

_“Here I am, back in this place, world, family… I always thought it would be harder, I suppose it should be harder, but it isn’t. Maybe I’m in denial, or I have completely lost it, finally fallen corrupt to the pain and madness that’s been festering over the years. I guess it doesn’t matter at this point, I’m back, and that’s not going to change; all I can do is adjust and keep moving. I have changed since last time. I will not allow myself to be destroyed again; I have worked too hard for years for it to be undone. I am stronger, no longer that weak little girl, I am better than her, I have to be.”_

Haruhi spills words on to paper, re-reading them over and over as if it will convince her they are true because if they aren’t, then she doesn’t know if she will make it out of this _alive_.

* * *

 “-God damn rat, it was all your fault!”

“Shut up, you useless cat.”

The sound of yelling coming from downstairs breaks her out of her trace. Haruhi walks downstairs, finding a sight of two teenagers arguing while the older man has an amused smile silently watching the males. It takes a few moments for the three to notice her presence.

“Haruhi,” Yuki says, looking up at said girl with a soft smile. He slowly walks towards her and pulls his younger into a gentle hug. Holding her close to his chest as if she was made of porcelain and would break apart any moment.

Yuki couldn’t recall the last time he saw his sister. It was no secret that the relationship between the three silver-haired Sohma’s was strained at best. Haruhi was rarely discussed after her depart from the main estate, but he had truly worried for her over the years; he was far more aware of her relationship with Akito then most. Even with this in mind, the two only interacted a handful of times. By the time he was living with Shigure and could even think about connecting with his sister, she was already long gone.

This was the perfect time for him to get close to her, form a meaningful relationship with her. Of course, like everyone else, Yuki was aware her return was a warning sign of problems to come; for whatever reason, Akito was showing _his_ _power_ over the Sohmas once again.

 “Yuki, it’s nice to see you,” Haruhi mumbled into his shoulder as they separated from the hug.

Before she could say anything else, Kyo ran over to her and picked her up into a much tighter hug, pulling her off the ground for a moment, a slight giggle coming out of the brown-haired girl.

“Hari, welcome home,” Kyo said happily, his usual bad attitude slipping away as he hugged the girl. The two had always been very close; both being outcasted made it easy to understand each other; they never had to hide how they felt with one another.

She ruffled his hair before he let her go. “Kyo, I missed you.” She said, giving him a soft smile. Which was very true, he was her best friend- _besides a certain cow_ \- and it took years for her to adapt to the absence of his presence in her daily life.

Shigure broke the moment as he led the three teenagers to the table so everyone could talk.

“So, Hari, what happened to your hair?” The eldest man asked, looking at the short brown hair that used to be long and silver when she was younger. It had been so long since she saw her actual hair that Haruhi tended to forget about the fact she even had it dyed, the monthly root touch-ups for worth it for her.

Yet another thing she would have to deal with, knowing Akito, he would make her fix it.

“When I moved, it made sense to dye it, and I ended up keeping it that way. Once I got into high school, I wanted a change, so I cut it off. It's way easier to manage now.” She said, not wanting to go into detail with her family about how she is pretending to be a guy at school. That conversation was a can of worms she wasn’t ready to open, already sensing the train wreck it would inevitably cause.

“Well it looks good, how have you been? What have you been doing?” Yuki asked his sister.

_I’ve had nightmares for years._

_I’ve been lying to everyone I know._

_I’ve spent every day with only males._

“I’ve been doing good.” The lie came out far easier than it should have. _Has she ever told the truth?_

“I got into Ouran Academy, which has been nice, made some good friends, what about you guys? How have you all been?” She asks, avoiding going into detail about what has been going on over the years.

Haruhi’s phone starts ringing, quickly checking the caller ID “ **Tamaki** ” she hits ignore before looking back at the group.

“Well, Yuki and Kyo here are both attending school; I’m working on my books, oh Haruhi, have you seen my books?!” Shigure says with enthusiasm as the three teenagers roll their eyes.

“Yeah… They are interesting? Very graphic.” She says, laughing a bit.

“They are perverted,” Kyo says bluntly.

"What about you, Kyo? Are you still training?” She asks with a smile, remembering how hard the orange-haired boy was training before she left. Haruhi had always admired his fighting spirit, while he was rough around the edges, he always had such a genuinely admirable determination.

“Yeah, I am, but there is no worthy sparring partner here.” He says, which causes Yuki to scoff.

“Well good thing I’m back then, I could use a good match.” She responds with a mischievous smile. 

* * *

The four Sohma’s continued to talk for an hour, Haruhi’s cell phone consistently going off with calls from the club members, mainly the blonde idiot and obnoxious twins.

“Maybe you should answer, sounds like it might be important,” Yuki says as it goes off again, it would be a lie to say the three males weren’t interested in who was calling, they knew nothing about her or her new life. If given any chance, they would attempt to dig into her life, and the phone call would be an excellent place to start.

Haruhi sighs before picking up, already knowing a headache would inevitably follow, “Hello?”

**_“HARUHI! Why weren’t you at school?! We have been worried, sick! Is this about yesterday? Because as your family it is our job to look out for you! We went to your apartment at you weren’t home, where are you?! As your father, I need to know.”_ **

Tamaki yells into the phone, causing her to move it away from her ear before he stops, _god,_ _this is why_ she didn’t want to answer in the first place.

“Tamaki Sempai _shut up_. One I wasn’t at school because I had things to do, second as I told you all yesterday you need to stay out of my business. Third, I wasn’t at the apartment because I’m staying with other family, besides I don’t know how many times I have to say this, **_per-son-al bound-ar-ies._** You cannot just show up at people's homes unannounced. And finally, for the last time, you are not my father.” Haruhi says in a sharp tone, rubbing her temple with her fingers, somehow she is almost certain this won’t be the last time she has to say this to said male.

The rest of the people at the table share worried glances, both over the apparent stress this call is giving her as well as the fact said caller is clearly a _male_.   

**_“Where? I will come pick you up!”_ **

“None of your business, I am fine where I am, I will see you tomorrow.” Attempting to end the conversation.

_“ **Haruhi-”** _

“I’m busy right now, so have a good evening Sempai,” Haruhi says, cutting Tamaki off before ending the call, she lets out a deep sigh as the line goes quiet.

“Who was that?” Kyo asks apparent aggravation in his tone.

Haruhi doesn’t even look up from the table as she answers, “An idiot.”

“Why did he say he was your father?” Yuki adds, feeling a slight twinge of jealousy, even if he knows that said male isn’t actually her family. Yuki can’t help feeling a bit left out. Some random guy has an even more familial relationship with her then he does _(even if she seems rather annoyed with it._ )

“Because he's delusional and thinks he is… I’m sorry guys I’m going to turn in early, I didn’t get much sleep last night” Haruhi says as she stands up.

Shigure speaks up before she can leave, “Would you like something to eat first?”

“No, I’m okay, not much of an appetite, goodnight.”  She says, giving a halfhearted smile before making her way upstairs.

The young girl departs to her room, leaving the trio is an awkward silence.

 “Somethings up with her,” Kyo says to no one in particular once he hears her door shut.

“What do you mean?” Shigure asks.

“She’s just off… Detached, not really happy or upset. Plus, that guy mentioned something about ‘yesterday’ so something must have happened… Why the fuck is she even talking to a guy for that matter?!” Kyo yells out once he realizes that she was, in fact, speaking to a male that she must be relatively close with.

 “Just stay out of it, dumb cat.” Yuki shoots back, even though he had the same thoughts running through his head. This was _his_ sister; Kyo already knows more about her than he ever did, Yuki refuses to allow him to continue to fill the job _he_ is meant to do.

“Wanna say that again, stupid rat?!” Kyo yells, starting another-per usual argument between the two teenagers.

The duo engages in a fight of insults and cheap punches while Shigure disappears to who knows where.  

All worries are momentarily forgotten.

_tbc._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am unsure if I will be including Tohru in this story yet, I'm on the edge about it at the moment.  
> Either way, here we go with the first Fruit's Basket characters making an appearance.
> 
> Rewrite/Editing: 2/22/20


	5. 05. interlude: just pretend we’re alright.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the minds of three lost siblings.

Guilt is an odd emotion; it has the power to help us grow from our mistakes; the disappointment we feel can be the final push we need to pursue a better path—a painful but necessary wake up call.

But, like everything else in this world, just because something is good in small does not mean it can do no harm. Guilt has the ability to fluster and overwhelm all rationality; the self-reproach can grow and grow until it manifests into a whirlpool of toxicity.

Before you can even notice how out of hand it has gotten, you are drowning in anger, resentment, and self-hatred; a ticking time bomb of inner conflict that will inevitably destroy whatever happiness you once felt.

Ayame Sohma is no exception to this. To the world, he is a flamboyant and vibrant man; the type of person meant to exist in the spotlight surrounded by exquisite flowers and tender laughs. Yet, inside he is a tsunami of guilt and frustration, a pile of childhood regrets heavy enough to break his back, and a mind filled to the brim with self-deprecation.

Like every other cursed Sohma, Ayame was unquestionably dealt the short stick in life. A fact each zodiac member must come to terms with, to either accept this fact and make the best of their situation or to choose to recoil into themselves and allow the rejection and pain the power to control their miserable lives.

While the eldest of the siblings choose the pursuit of happiness and self-acceptance, it did not stop the issues that would come his way as he got older.   

He practically lost his mother at age ten, the birth of his brother taking over any relationship he had with the woman, discarded as the sickly rat of the zodiac came into the picture. It was so _unfair_ , simply because he was the rat he was more important? Enough for his _own_ mother to throw him away?

Yuki started to grow up, and instead of growing with him, Ayame simply made friends. Whatever chance they had at a relationship was lost due to his inner conflict over his abandonment. Years later, he would fill with deep-rooted self-resentment over his _selfishness._

Not too long afterwards, his mother became pregnant again, her desire to raise her social standing through her children becoming more prominent. Nine months later, she gave birth to a girl, Haruhi.

Sadly, his mother's plan backfired in the worst way possible. Instead of giving birth to another _perfect_ child, or even a disposable one such as himself, she gave birth to an outcasted child.

He would never be sure if was shame she felt for baring such a _monstrous_ child or if she simply lost her mind, it didn’t truly matter because the outcome remained the same.

She choose to have the memory of all three children wiped clean.

Ayame knew somewhere deep in his mind that the baby girl wasn’t to blame for his mother’s craze for power and the downward spiral that would follow. Yet it was far easier to blame the monster child instead, he could tell himself she was the reason his life persisted to fall apart.

Just like his brother, Haruhi grew up, and just like Yuki, she soon faded away like a distant memory. Akito quickly claimed the young girl, and at the time, he couldn’t have cared less.

Most days, Ayame’s siblings were nothing more than a passing thought, he was in high school now and had his own life, goals, and dreams, there was no time to worry over the children who took over his family.

During his second year of high school, Ayame went to meet with Hatori and Shigure. By the time he found the pair, he was greeted with the sight of the two males whispering.

 _Ayame_ _made his best attempt to listen in without alerting the two of his presence, his curious and nosey personality getting the best of him._

_“So, you saw her? How is she?” Shigure asked. His typical immature manner lost as a small frown rested upon his face._

_“I did, she was outside by the pond alone, some bandages covering up random areas but no open wounds, she’s thin though. She was just sitting there quietly watching the water, I considered going over there, but she seemed to be peaceful in the silence.” Hatori responded solemnly._

_“Will you tell Aya?” Shigure asked, answering the question on who the pair was referring to. There was only one girl who the two could be talking about, his sister._

_“No, I don’t think he really wants to know.” Hatori ended the conversation there, the two walking off, never noticing the silver-haired man in the distance._

At the time, Ayame wasn’t sure why that sentence hurt so much. It would take him years to realize that it planted the first of many seeds of guilt in his mind.

* * *

Shigure rarely contacted Ayame about something serious ( _that was Hatori’s job)_  their lives were already far too dark and complicated, so when the two flamboyant men talked, it was playful and light. When Ayame answered the phone to hear Shigure ask if he was busy in a serious tone, he knew something had happened.

“Did Hatori let you know that Haruhi was called back home?” Shigure asked.

For a moment, it felt like the world stopped turning. The years upon years of guilt that have been building up since he last saw his sister started to surface, He felt as if a cement block had been tied to his leg, and he was thrown into the deep end.

“No… Is she back now?” He responds, trying to keep his voice stable.

Shigure sighs into the phone before speaking, “Yeah, she arrived here today, she is going to stay with us; and will go and see Akito later this week.”

He pauses before asking the question that has been haunting him for years now, a question he had never once asked about her before.

_“How is she?”_

“Hmm, she seems alright, a bit hesitant which is expected, closed off you could say. It will take some adjusting time for her, but hopefully, we can crack her shell a bit. Will you come see her?”

He wants to say yes, desperately wants to say that he will run there with open arms and embrace her in a tight hug, but he knows the situation is far too complicated. He is still trying his best to repair his relationship with Yuki, and that is barely working, the sister he basically pretended never existed is a whole other situation. Can he even do anything at the point?

“I want to, but I don’t think I can…” His resolve cracks a bit as he voices his belief.

“You should talk to Yuki; he is in a similar boat as you. Even if it takes time you should at least get to know her, all three of you deserve to at least talk for a bit, find some middle ground.” Shigure says, in one of the rare moments where he truly puts aside all jokes. He cares for both brothers dearly, and even if his relationship with Haruhi isn’t the closest, he still wishes to see the trio happy in whatever way they can.

“Your right, I’ll call Hatori tomorrow and see what he thinks; thank you, Shigure.” Ayame says a quick goodbye before ending the call.

It’s ironic the moment he turns from the phone rain starts to fall outside, lifeless grey covers the sky, it’s almost symbolic. Ayame isn’t sure how to proceed, over the years he ran scenarios in his head over how he would reunite with his sister, but here, in this moment, he cannot think of a single thing to do. Is it too late? Is there even a relationship to build? This is a situation that a tight hug, a funny joke, a heartfelt apology cannot fix. For once in his life, Ayame finds himself a hundred percent _unsure_ of what to do.

The young man watches the water fall on the ground and hopes tomorrow he can find some answers.

* * *

Haruhi grabs her school bag and falls on to her bed; her cellphone illuminating with a photo of the whole host club, such bright smiles placed upon each member’s face; it’s like a punch to the gut. As hesitant as she was about it, the young girl cannot deny, they _are_ her family.

 _Family_ , Haruhi never gave much thought to the idea. The world shows a family as a group of people who you are connected with, by blood, by love, united in ways that somehow overcome all rationality. She knew that the Sohma’s were a family, sure there were blood ties, but they were more connected by the curse placed upon them. It was never love or care; _no_ , it was fear and loneliness; they would only ever be truly accepted by their own kind.

Of course, Haruhi technically had an even closer “family,” an older brother who disliked her- _and rightfully so, her whole existence was problematic_ \- a mother who couldn’t stomach the _monster_ she gave birth to. A father she never met and has no information on, and another brother who she never got the chance to bond with. Biologically they were a family; logically, they were strangers who would _always_ remain as such.

 _“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”_ Haruhi believed this phrase to be spot-on. Once she left the Sohma’s she made a family with a man who she had no blood ties with, a familial relationship based on respect and mutual adoration, _Ranka was and will always be her family_. And somehow, against all the odds her family grew bigger, the host club managed to sneak through the cracks of her heart and build a home. A group of boys who she would have never willingly sought out became part of her little world, and even though she tries hard to push them away, Haruhi doesn’t honestly want to _lose_ them.  

Maybe this is why she can’t help but suck in a breath as the image shines in front of her face. Even when her emotions are distorted and her mind feels like a black hole, she can’t help but feel pain at the sight of _her family._

Emotionally she doesn’t hurt; it’s more like a physical ache, taking residence in her stomach and chest. She quickly gets the photo off the screen and instead puts on a soft jazz song she likes to play when studying, hoping the slow instrumental tune will distract her from the pain racking her body.

Haruhi throws herself into her schoolwork, just as she did when she first left the Sohma estate, stay busy and motivated, she can do that.

Analyze the words of Joseph Heller, _avoid_ the intrusive thoughts about the people residing in this house.

Study mathematics formulas, _pretend_ you don’t care that your God has called you home.

Write out a to-do list for this next week, _ignore_ the painful ache that fighting with the club gives you.

Stay on track to accomplish what you can, you may not be able to control what will happen next in your life, but _you can control this_. Haruhi has always been a master at _avoidance_.

Piles of advanced level schoolwork and notebooks surrounded her as Haruhi’s need for sleep takes over, falling asleep with a book still in hand.

Dreams of quiet dinners with Ranka, pink rose petals falling around her, and a soft serenade coming from a piano fill her subconscious.

* * *

Yuki was distracted. He tried to finish his homework, which failed, tried to read, tried to sleep, but no matter what he did his mind was far too occupied with thoughts of the young girl who had taken residence in the next room over.

He continually spared glances at the wooden door across from him, how easy it would be to get up and open it. As if the simple act of entering her room would remove the metaphoric block forever keeping the two siblings apart. He lets himself indulge in thoughts of walking into her room and outstretching his hand, pretending the past never existed and pressing restart on their relationship. 

_Hi, I’m Yuki, your older brother, lovely to meet you._

That’s a nice fantasy, _impossible,_ but still nice.

It was a bizarre situation at best, Haruhi was close in age to him so that should have allowed them to be closer, but it seemed the universe had different plans.

Haruhi was born, recognized as an outcast, rejected.

Simple, straight to the point.

 _Wrong._ A taunting voice says in his head.

_If it was the “simple,” why would you feel so guilty?_

He could only remember a handful of conversations he ever had with the girl; most of the time, it was just silence as the two crossed paths. Occasionally he would see her in the distance sitting outside or talking with Kyo, but more often than not, he would hear someone whispering about her.

The closest thing to a “sibling relationship” they ever had was her holding his hand one afternoon.

_Eleven-year-old Yuki half laid half hung out the window of one of the many rooms in the main estate, his asthma once again keeping him room bound. The weather was so lovely, so if he couldn’t go outside, Yuki would most definitely try his best to experience it as much as possible._

_His coughing must have alerted someone to his pretense because he could hear footsteps before a plastic water bottle was placed upon the ledge of the window. He turned his head to find the person. Yuki was met with a small girl, her sliver hair identical to his own. Someone might believe she was the sick one out to the two with how frail her body was, the bones of ribs showing through her shirt, her gaze turned down to the ground; it didn’t take long for him to realize who the girl was._

_“Thank you.” He said to his sister, breaking the silence._

_She didn’t look up but let out a small sound of acknowledgment before turning to walk away, without thinking he grabbed her hand to stop her. He wasn’t sure why he stopped her, maybe it was loneliness, or perhaps some part of him just wanted his sister._

_She stopped moving and turned to face him, confusion covering her face, eyes never meeting his._

_“Stay for a minute?” He asks._

_“Okay.” She said with a slight nod, interlocking her fingers with his._

_The two stayed that way for a few minutes before she spoke again in a soft tone._

_“The weather is really nice today; you can see all the clouds.”_

_“Do you like going outside?” He asked._

_“Yeah, I don’t do it a lot, but it’s always so quiet, peaceful.” She said with a hint off wistfulness in her voice._

_“Yeah, it is.”_

_The two didn’t stay together long before Kureno came and found Haruhi saying she was needed back inside. She didn’t say anything, just gave Yuki a small smile before walking away. If he weren’t looking closely, he wouldn’t have noticed the way her shoulders tightened, and any trace of peace on her face was replaced with an emotionless mask._

That day was odd for Yuki, he didn’t know his sister very well and had never sought her out, but she gave him water when he was sick. She was _kind_ to him even though she had no reason to.

Maybe that’s what troubled him the most, she was kind and seemed so confused that he wanted to talk to her, he heard people talk bad about her often, saw her hurt from Akito, nearly everyone rejected her, but she _cared_ for him.

Yuki let himself get swept up in the acts of the rest of the Sohma family, remaining aware of her treatment and said nothing. Then one day, she was _gone_. Apparently, his brother gave her a contact for someone to live with, and then there was silence, no one knew anything besides most likely Akito.

The young boy is unsure what to do now because they had nothing to say to each other; they are practically strangers who shared DNA.

He almost feels envious of the Sohma’s who can just hate her because of her curse, or Kyo who can care for her without any reservations because they are inherently the same. No one else- besides maybe his brother- have to feel the internal conflict that’s been eating him alive for years.

Yuki allows himself to sulk in his thoughts for a few more minutes before telling himself to suck it up and walks to her room. He knocks on her door but receives no response, after a few moments, he hesitantly opens her door.

The room is dark beside a lamp sitting on the desk. He looks around the small room; she has a few photos placed around the room showing her with a smile beside a red-haired man, a smile so much brighter than he saw today ( _or ever for that matter_.)

He looks at the bed, and there she is laying on top of the bedding surrounded by books and papers; clearly his sister fell asleep while working; he takes a deep breath before moving over to the side of her bed.

Her brown hair falls across her forehead, slightly messy as it frames her face, the small light in the room illuminating the little pink blush resting upon her cheeks. Haruhi looks healthier than she did years ago, slight muscles across her arms, still on the short side but no longer looking like a walking corpse.

Yuki studies her for a moment before picking up the schoolbooks and placing them on her desk, once he gets to the open notebook, he lets his curiosity get the best of him. A glance shows it’s a to-do list of some sort,

  1. _Figure out transportation to and from school._
  2. _Apologize to the club; they are idiots but care for you._
  3. _Call Ranka, thank him for everything again._
  4. _Prepare to meet Akito._
  5. _Find time to study at school._
  6. _Make a schedule._
  7. _Figure out meal plans._



He shouldn’t find it suppressing that she is planning out everything on her own; she has no reason to depend on him or anyone else. She has been living her own life for years now, most likely very different than how he has been, so why would she suddenly change?

It doesn’t make it sting any less though, to see it in her own words, essentially confirming his earlier dilemma regarding their relationship. He moves the notebook over to the desk and grabs the loose blanket at the end of the bed, placing it over her gently so she doesn’t wake up. Pushing aside her bangs and giving the girl a small smile, he turns off her light and walks out.

That night Yuki remembers every time the two crossed paths, pondering where they go from here.

* * *

By midnight all three siblings are fast asleep, dreaming of better times and happier lives. Each one of them very different in how they view themselves and the world around them-

but all virtually share the same confusion and pain inside. Perhaps this is what binds them as a family, that no matter how different their lives our, _they cannot outrun the guilt and loneliness that plagues their cursed lives._

They must all learn: _just because you make a new family does not mean your original ceases to exsit._

_tbc._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrite/Editing: 3/3/20


End file.
